


Story Collector

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Be careful about reading this and don't trigger yourself, Bittersweet Ending, Introspection, It's more about Taako helping than the trauma itself though, OCD Taako, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 15:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15464196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When he learned something new, he burned.





	Story Collector

**Author's Note:**

> Listen ya'll im like fine don't worry but i got hit with such an urge to project a mix of my issues and trauma on Taako that i couldn't not write this. 
> 
> I'll give it to you straight, I mention the exact kind of vague traumas that i've heard from a bunch of people somehow? So I can't tell you if this is gonna hit too close to home for you. Most of this fic is about the burden of knowledge and Taako being multidimensional. If you're worried, ""Maybe he's enough, because of how bad the world is."" is sorta the marker. If you don't read the quotes up to that point, the firsthand accounts are removed.  
> If you need some other sort of info don't hesitate to ask, this is a darker fic than i usually write so im uber prepared to help ya'll with whatever. 
> 
> If you know me personally: This fic is specifically not depicting any trauma but my own, and very warped accounts of other peoples. Specifically so that everything should be unrecognizable even if someone did somehow know the trauma of people I know. Which means don't try to assign this trauma to people, this isn't nancy drew, mind your business.

Angus didn't talk much about his parents.  But when he did, it was small and hesitant.  A passing comment that it was clear he didn't walk discussed.  Taako was not qualified for this shit, but he knew enough to know nobody really was. 

There wasn't a start point to learning upsetting facts about Ango, Taako just woke up one day and realized that he suddenly knew a lot about the boy detective.  Like he had completed the world's worst connect the dots and found the secret child abuse shape inside. 

And he didn't like thinking about it.  He in this situation meaning either of them.  But some things stick, some things get in your head.  Not the situations, the stories.  Taako had lived on the road, lived poor and unwanted, he knew how bad things could get.  But the way people told about things.  That's what got him.  The pain in their voice.  The soft, hesitant words.  Like it was a mystery they could never solve.   Why did they get hurt?  What did they do to deserve this?  Could they have fixed it, done better somehow?

Taako knew it wasn't their fault.  But since he couldn't convince himself of the same, he had no clue what to do.  But those stories were usually told in the darkness, in the soft light of a campfire with the trees covering the secrets from prying eyes.  In the bar, muttered between drink two and five, the bustle of sound obscuring the words.  Whispered in rooms behind closed doors by people who needed support. 

Angus spoke softly, suddenly, and without warning.  Like he had some to a realization and was searching for some silent confirmation of his knowledge.  And every time, no matter how soft the tone was, the words hit Taako like a magically boosted sledgehammer directly to his heart.

"He always hit me until I bruised."  Said Angus, looking away from the shoes, belts, and hats that littered Taako's closet.  Taako put the belts in a drawer, later.  Angus came into to the closet more.

"She said she had a fever.  She didn't."  Said Angus, in the middle of a book that was about beetles, and not about child sexual anything. 

"He jerked the steering wheel because we wouldn't agree."  Said Angus, trembling and trying to learn to drive.

Taako hated it.  Hated more what he couldn't record- the stories too raw and not suited for even a few jotted words in his journal, or a mention to his therapist, or even a whisper alone in the night.  It wasn't cinematic, what suffering people went through.  And Taako, ever the performer, hated that.  There was no amusing skit, no joke at the end of the road, that could fix what had happened.

"I had to have wanted it.  There had to have been a reason."  Said Angus, staring blankly at the television.  Age had made him wiser, but some lessons are hard to learn.  Hard to accept.

Taako had always been trusted.  It was just a trait, some air about him that said he would do his best for you.  In a perfect world, this would make him a hero.  Some fable that saved kidnapped princesses and brought order to feuding kingdoms.  But he wasn't a legend, and this wasn't a fairytale.  So, he just learned terrible tales and tried to help.

"He says it was an accident." 

From a fellow traveler, her long black hair almost obscuring her trembling hands.

"I just wanted to help."

A roommate, his eyes following nothing.

Taako thinks that maybe the reason there's no fairytale safety is because all the heroes get hurt before they're strong enough to save anyone.

And Taako- he isn't a hero.  He travels around, sometimes he helps people.  But a hero?  Absolutely not.  He's haughty, a kleptomaniac.  He would kill someone to save his skin and has.  But in this world, that's enough.  He’s enough.

"He just kept driving.  I just wanted to go home."

Maybe he's enough, because of how bad the world is.  And isn't that terrible?  To find some twisted self-worth in the suffering of others.  To say you're worth something because people say things at you?

It's not.  It's not horrible to feel helpful because you help.  But Taako has never been good at the obvious.

And maybe it's worse that he understands all these people so well.  Maybe it's worse he's been through similar.  Maybe it's worse he can help everyone but not himself.

"He shouldn't have hit you.  You didn't do anything wrong, and even if you had you wouldn't have deserved pain.  You were just a kid."  Said Taako, gently leading Angus out of the closet.

"Something was wrong with her.  You can't hold yourself responsible.  She's broken, and wanted to break you."  Said Taako, putting away his book and standing.  "Want to cook some fantasy deep fried oreos?"

"You're not him, and he's not here." Said Taako, making sure his ring covered hands stayed far from the wheel clenched in Angus'.

Taako was a jackass.  He was rude, dramatic, and often selfish.  But god, he cared so much.

"There was no reason.  You didn't do anything wrong.  It wasn't your fault, and you didn't deserve it."  Said Taako, sliding his ridiculously complex and prized tea blend away from him and over to Ango.

Nobody deserved to hurt, not really.  Maybe that was too lenient, but Taako would let most people go free.  He didn't care about murder, or theft, or anything short of war crimes.  And there were even a few war crimes he didn't mind- he'd pillaged quite a few times before!  But that didn't stop him from feeling it, right in his core, when someone mentioned their hurt.  A sparking across his arms, hidden only through years of magic practice.  A scrubbing under his skin that he washed and washed and washed. 

"Even if it was an accident, what he did to hurt you still matters.  Do you want to travel with us for a while?"  From Taako, the firelight reflecting the care in his eyes he'd never admit was there.

"You didn't do wrong by trying to help.  You're strong for still being kind despite that."  From Taako, and he's so tired tired tired because that one hits too close to home, but by god he'll try to help anyway.

"You're safe now.  He can't get you here."  He gives his roommate space but god, why can't anyone be safe, why is everyone hurt by something.

The world isn't cruel.  It's just neutral.  There's good, and there's bad, and there's no system that distributes either.  Taako believes in good karma.  Has to, to validate his helping to himself.  But that doesn't mean he'll ever get anything for it.

He's lucky he has supports, now.  He remembers how he felt when he looked at Craig’s list, clustered around with a couple other adventurers who mattered far too little to have names.  He remembers meeting Magnus and Merle and feeling fuller somehow.

God, he's still so pissed at Lucretia.  But he can't dwell, he's forgiven her even if he hasn't forgiven her actions.

He remembers life with Lup alongside his alone memories.  He doesn't know where her words begin and his end.  Whatever the voidfish did, it rearranged the script.  That gets him too.  Not really knowing if he was the helpful one or if he was just copying her words.  Maybe it matters.  But it probably doesn't.

Magnus hugs him.  Taako's a bit like a cat, but when he needs the pressure Magnus is there.  Merle introduces him to a bunch of teas, herbal fragrances and stuff.  Lup holds him and aims his wit at himself.

"If I were saying what you are, how would you feel?" Says Lup, her cat eyes watching his face.  And he backs himself in a corner because he loves her more than anything, and hates himself just as much sometimes.

"You don't need to help them before you're ready.  Their problems can wait."  Says Lup, gently prying Taako's dry and bleeding hands away from his phone and the texts within that are as simple as a bad job interview.

"If he knew what he was doing to you, he'd feel terrible."  Says Lup.  Not a reassurance, just a fact.  A reminder that Taako is cared for.

And god, Taako adores Lup more than anything.  Loves how he can turn his brain off around her, can say things without worrying about how he's wording them.  Or not talk at all, just communicate through silences and twitches, in a way two people so close can. 

So Taako blinks away his tears and breathes easier.  Next to him, Lup mumbles in her sleep, a taunting tone at whatever dream challenge she's facing.  And he feels safe.  Comforted by someone without their knowledge.  And he fights down a smile, cause hell if he's going to be a sap in a visible way, but then he realizes he's safe and protected and he beams like he owns the world because with Lup so close he feels like he does.  So he snuggles down to where Lup has jammed every one of her angles directly on his side of the bed, sighs secure and loved, and Taako sleeps like a fashionable haphazardly strewn pile of limbs.

Because sometimes knowing you're not alone is enough.  And Taako may be a kleptomaniac, selfish, loud and neurodivergent and a million things people decide to hate.  But he's not alone.  He's safeguarded.  He's a treasure.  And even if he doesn't know that, they will cherish him regardless.

Because Taako helps.  And the world may not be fair, but sometimes people are, so by god they will help him back.

 


End file.
